IQs and Race

By Adele Lim and Erik Nason
The Star Online
Copyright Star Publications (Malaysia) Bhd
POSTED WITH PERMISSION

A BEST-selling study called The Bell Curve caused an uproar in the United States recently by claiming that whites average slightly higher IQ scores than blacks. Lost in the fine print was another finding: Chinese IQs blow them both out of the water - whites average 102, Chinese (in the United States) 110.

Meanwhile, the state of California has repealed affirmative action in the selection of students for public colleges. Racial quotas are being tossed out and applicants will now be appraised according to academic merit, regardless of race.

As whites and blacks resume their centuries-old feud, college officials caution that merit-based selection will actually hurt both races. The real winners are those docile but academically superior Asians, now free to run wild across American campuses.

Are Asians just smarter? Or do they cheat on exams more? What’s the deal? As a public service, an Asian and a white American will now discuss the issue like civilized adults.

By the way, if you can’t figure out which of us is Asian, there’s a very good chance that you’re white.

Erik: What garbage - that is the most slanderous nonsense I've ever read. If I hadn't written it, I’d sue!

Adele: Tut, tut, little dumpling. I think your all-American propensity for being huffy and going into utter denial is surfacing.

My father once convinced me that Caucasians couldn't help being a little daffy because they were less evolved - heavy bone-structure, fur on the bottom, etc. The fact of the matter is, Asians just happen to be more disciplined in school.

The popular Malaysian opinion is that American kids have no work ethic, no culture and no stern parental figures who believe in corporal punishment. You won’t believe how conducive a rotan (cane) is to academic excellence.

E: Ah yes, the cane to the bottom. I’m afraid that wouldn't work on whites - our fur would cushion the blow. Being less evolved has its benefits. As for having no culture, where do you think the Chia Pet was invented?

A: The Chinese invent paper and printing, their arts originate before the birth of Christ, and your kind is taking credit for an alfalfa-sprouting clay dog?

E: And now there’s Chia Head! And we offer lots of other cool exports – Malaysians just have poor taste and go nuts over the dumb stuff.

I’d never heard of Tommy Page until I went to your country, where he had once been embraced like a national hero. I even know some Malaysians who think Yanni is a respect-worthy human being.

A: Uh, okay. I thought you’d comment on the discrepancies of socialization vs genetics, but I think you've given Malaysians a more accurate depiction of American mentality than you know.

E: I imagine a lot of Asians would like to believe they’re genetically superior. However, The Bell Curve seems to think that "genetically advanced" also means smaller sexual organs. So if you’re a conservative Asian fellow who wants to believe you’re born brighter, you've also got to accept that you’re somewhat less of a man.

A: Genes, shmenes - Malaysians study hard because we’re brought up that way. We have tuition for almost every subject. Some of our parents got trashed daily for not memorizing their multiplication tables by the age of seven.

Failure is a loss of face. If you fail, you will end up a car mechanic working from a cow-shed in Kajang and your relatives will tell stories about you to scare little children who don’t do their homework.

The impression we get is that Americans are chubby and lazy. They get welfare, they get free crayons in grade school and they get to blame their teachers for bad grades. You don’t even have to whip Malaysian kids into graduating magna cum laude anymore. Most urban Chinese mothers use guilt - I think it’s ingrained in our culture.

E: Believe it or not. American kids who don’t fear their parents don’t necessarily become pampered darlings like Tori Spelling. If we’re not forced to be academic soldiers, it’s because parents realize that grades don’t exclusively determine our worth as people. There’s more to growing up than memorizing tangent formulas.

The most important skill is the ability to think for yourself and develop an individual character. Kids shouldn’t be little extensions of their parents. Instead, we should be like Pocahontas, and go wherever the wind takes us.

I’m not interested in computer science and would be a miserable IT analyst, so it’s convenient that Mom and Dad don’t take this as a personal insult. In fact, they actually taught me the radical concept that passion for life is more important than achieving financial status or outdoing their friends’ children.

A: Confucius say, all is relative, passion for life may be BMW - Auto Bavaria, much good.

E: Wow, that was impressive. You Chinese are so profound.

A: You white people are so funny. No, I was suggesting that passion for life can sometimes be equated with acquisition. You know, luxury condominiums, peach defuzzers, concubines.

And yes, I know all about narrow-minded expectations; I grew up in a girl’s-school where they wanted two things of us: straight A’s and female subservience ("girls shouldn't laugh loudly, it reflects loose morals, like the sort prostitutes have").

I digress. Cultural differences aside, the point of the matter is that Asians average eight points higher in IQ tests.

E: You have to remember that the cultural score is an average, taking all regions of the United States into account. Unfortunately, the brilliance of northeastern whites is hidden statistically by the large number of inbred southerners who count with their fingers and move their lips when they read.

Equally unfair is the cultural bias of the IQ test itself. It’s only natural that the Chinese would score better than whites on a test dominated by questions about mah jong rules and chop suey recipes. Furthermore, before letting concepts of superiority go to your head, realize that whites are just playing possum, faking soft-headedness so other races will take us lightly. We’ll pretend to be dumb for a while, until the time is right for us to dominate the world with our genius. It’s all part of our top-secret plan, Tricky Operation Resembling Idiocy, or TORI. Don’t tell anyone.

A: Yes, dear.

Share this article:   f g t l